Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Things to be Thankful for
-Taking (the right to negotiate with) Daisuke Matsuzaka away from the Yankees.
-The slim yet still-present possibility of Michigan going to the BCS title game despite The Game Last Weekend of Which We Shall Not Speak.
-Turkey.
-The Colts losing.
-The removal of Gary Sheffield from the AL East (although this is, obviously, a bit of a double-edged sword for me... now that he's a Tiger, I've got to eventually wrap my mind around the concept of rooting for him. Haven't been able to do it yet).
-Getting to see Joey Harrington back in Ford Field (ha ha! ha. ha. oh god).
-Kevin Youkilis winning an imaginary MVP award, basically for being Jewish and not overtly failing at life.
-Tom Brady.
-Mike Hart.
-Bill Mueller.
-Mike Furrey.
-A psychotically entertaining, high-rolling offseason baseball free agent market.
-Jeff Garcia starting.... but not for the Lions.
-Coffee.
-Ha ha, if Papi can't have it, at least you can't have it either. Although seriously. Justin Morneau? Really? Did they just take the remaining names, after they'd weeded out Jeter, and pick one from a hat?
-A ballpark that's not named after a company of questionable merit... or any company, for that matter.
-The Tigers' 2006 season.
-The Red Sox 2004 season.
-Wolverines baseball taking the Big 10 title in the 2005 season.
-Knowing that, no matter what, at least I'm not attending Ohio State.
As per usual, my family will reserve giving thanks for anything until after we've sat through the Lions game. This is our tradition, and it works out well for us; if the Lions win, we can give thanks for that, and if they lose (as is far more likely), we can spend the entire ride home giving thanks for surviving yet another miserable game and not actually perishing in the stadium from sheer shame.
Gooooooo Lions! Hope springs eternal and all that. Happy Thanksgiving!Labels: holiday, humor, list, random
12:33 PM
Monday, November 13, 2006
OK, this is priceless.
The University just sent us all an email about the Michigan/OSU game this weekend and how you can go to their big sponsored tailgate if you're in Columbus for the game and whatnot. That was just the very beginning of the email, though. The rest of it was a list of things to do and not do if you are a Wolverine going to watch the game in Ohio.
I shall reprint the list here, for your amusement.
We know that it can be uncomfortable being in an opposing team's environment, especially when the stakes are so high. We would like to offer a few suggestions in order to help you stay safe and have a positive experience this weekend:
--Try carpooling to the game; if possible, drive a car with non- Michigan license plates.
--Keep your Michigan gear to a minimum, or wait until you are inside the stadium to display it.
--Stay with a group.
--Know and obey the laws regarding alcohol use.
--If you are of legal age to drink, use alcohol in moderation. Stay in the blue.
--Stay low-key; don't draw unnecessary attention to yourself.
--If verbally harrassed by opposing fans, don't take the bait.
--Avoid High Street in Columbus.
If at any time you feel unsafe, you should call 9-1-1 for assistance. U-M campus police also will be available in Columbus to support our fans. You may call them with non-emergency concerns at (734) 216-9159.
I think this mostly speaks for itself, but still.
Now, I won't say that if the roles were reversed, the game was this big and it was in Ann Arbor, some of these things being warned against wouldn't happen to OSU fans. It's a college campus, there are ALWAYS going to be at least a few kids acting like wankers. A car with Ohio plates might get keyed, a guy wandering around near the frats wearing red and gray might get a beer tossed on him-- ESPECIALLY if the Buckeyes were representing after the game and Michigan had just lost.
But this list... man, I just could not help it. I cracked up. Try to blend in!! Don't wear attention-getting colors!!!! Stay with a group!!!!!! DO NOT STRAY ALONE! OHIO STATE FANS, MUCH LIKE THE BLOODTHIRSTY LION, PREY UPON THE WEAK AND THE ALONE!
My friend Meg called me earlier to bitch about the art school (an activity we have occasion to indulge in all too often out here) and asked if I'd read the email. "Can you believe that?" she asked. "What the hell is all that about?"
"They're Ohio State fans, Meg. They're animals."
We laughed, but dude, reading this list? Seeing the fear for their students (and alums) stamped across the faces of University officials? I'm not so sure I can call that a joke.
Also, the injunction to simply AVOID AN ENTIRE STREET? Freaky. I've never been to Ohio; what's this mysterious "High Street"? Is it like a warzone? Is there some red-and-gray-clad gang that's claimed that street for their own, ruling the black market organ trade, drug flow, and prostitution rings based there with a meaty, cabbage-scented fist? I am frightened, but intrigued.
Oh, and that image up at the top there is something I drew for a Chanukah card one year. I just use it here because, well, it's a Wolverine, and festive, if inappropriately so. I'll try to whip up some UM vs. OSU kind of drawing soon, if the work I have to do doesn't destroy my soul beforehand.Labels: Buckeyes, football, humor, list, Michigan, NCAA, OSU, rivalry, Wolverines
10:12 PM
Thursday, September 28, 2006
A brief science lesson for you.
Things which Devil Rays feast upon:
-plankton
-small crustaceans
-small fish
-Josh BeckettLabels: baseball, Devil Rays, humor, Josh Beckett, list, loss, MLB, Red Sox
11:03 AM
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