Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Hi, Internet! It's Joey Harrington! Your usual BCRS blogger really wants to be with you guys right now, but she's stuck in the middle of... well, it's not midterms anymore, but the Michigan art school does this weird thing where some of their classes are these intensive 7-week studios that switch at midsemester, so she's actually just finishing up finals for her clay and wood classes, and starting brand new print and video classes, and she's very stressed out and sleep-deprived and bitter.... so bitter, Internet... with so much swearing... she swears worse than Dick Jauron does when he starts feeling especially sad, and it kind of scares me, Internet, to tell the truth....
But anyways, here I am! I mean, it's not like I've got anything better to be doing right now... I mean... I am so happy for Jeffy, but I just really wish I was able to get out there and help the team... but it was so nice to see the offensive line guys so pumped up and happy on Sunday... oh... I *sniffle*... I think I need a minute....
I'M SORRY! I'm sorry, Ms. BCRS lady! It won't happen again, I promise, I promise, oh god, don't beat me with the Lions car flag again.
These are tears of joy! Joy at talking to you, Internet people! I love talking to the common man... I do so much stuff for the United Way, and those little children, they just light me right up inside, you know? They're so sweet and trusting and none of them ever make fun of my name... or accuse me of being inclined in a way that I'm not... or say that I don't like beer, which I do... or tell me that I can't make the throws when they matter... except for that one time... but I don't think that kid was really 7, Internet, he looked much older. That wasn't fair.
Anyways, I'm supposed to talk about baseball. Gosh, I don't really know. I mean, I like watching baseball... they look funny in those pants, don't you think? Personally I think everyone should wear the colored socks... I mean, we all do.... or I mean, we did.... god, I may as well not even suit up for games anymore... oh god... *sniffle*
NO! NOT THE CAR FLAG! NOT THE CAR FLAG! Oh my god, Internet, I'm not even sure what some of those words mean, but she sounds so angry... if I pee myself, just a little tiny tiny bit, will you promise not to tell? It's not like that's something I do often, I mean, but it's so scary right now!
So the Astros... is their coach wearing a pink jacket?? I think he is, Internet! It looks like a dark reddish pink! I didn't know baseball teams wore pink! There aren't any football teams that wear pink, although the Ravens wear purple and personally, Internet, I think that's part of why they're so angry all the time... it's like they're trying to say that they're not really the kind of guys who would wear purple, you know? I don't understand why they'd get so upset about that, there's nothing wrong with it. They were so mean earlier this season, Internet... I've never seen play that dirty! I hate getting dirty. I don't like the Ravens much, but oh my god, please don't tell them that, OK Internet?
So it's the 9th inning and I guess the game is tied? I think it's tied. The team not with the pink jackets is called the White Sox, which I think is pretty stupid, because I mean their socks aren't even white... they're black, which is like the opposite of white! Plus they totally misspelled 'socks'. Pretty stupid, huh, Internet? I guess I'm rooting for the Astros, at least it's spelled right, plus, pink! But what's an 'Astro' anyways? I guess it's the same in football, though. I mean, what's a 'Charger'? I always thought it meant like a cell phone charger, and they have lightning on their helmets so that's the electricty, but a cell phone charger isn't very threatening, is it?
Oh, your regular blogger just told me that the Astros are losing the series and if they lose two more games they lose everything, so I guess I will root for them. I know what it's like to lose, Internet, especially for no good reason at all on really weird plays... which I guess has been happening to the Astros?
Poor guys! They should try losing on a muffed snap of a routine extra point kick, then maybe they would understand my pain... oh god, Internet, no one understands my pain... Danny Orlovsky keeps leaving me messages on my cell, he wants to hang out and he thinks we're best buddies now, but he doesn't get it, Internet, he doesn't understand my deep and monumental pain... it hurts so bad being on the sidelines... I hate clipboards... and the headset totally makes this awful dent in my hair... sometimes I think the only people who understand what it's like to be me are sensitive and caring bands like My Chemical Romance... oh, oh, oh *sniffle* *sniffle* *sob*....
Oh my god, Internet, I wish I was back at Oregon... they're 7 and 1 right now... and I would totally be better than their quarterback right now! I would get to play... I almost won the Heisman when I was in college, did you know that, Internet? I was nominated. I got to go to New York and sit with the other guys at the ceremony... oh you'd never know it now, of course, back then I had an offensive line that actually blocked for me and not just for some wobbly-headed old man out of the west, and I had receivers who actually ran their routes instead of going in the complete opposite direction and things, and I had a coach who called plays that worked with me instead of these awful little dump side passes like I'm a West Coast quarterback which I'm not, Internet, and it's not my fault Mooch has like a fetish for the West Coast offense, he shouldn't bring his fetishes onto the field, it's not fair and I want to be a Duck again...
OH MY GOD, I didn't mean it, I DIDN'T MEAN IT! I am so happy for Jeffy, honest, I am! I'm just so upset, Internet, I say things I don't mean. I won't let this get me down, I won't!
They're playing extra innings now. I guess that's like overtime only without the time limit or anything. Baseball can go on forever, did you know that, Internet? I like playing golf, golf can take a long long time, but sometimes even golf goes faster than baseball.
I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! BASEBALL IS AWESOME! BASEBALL IS THE MOST PERFECT SPORT EVER! Oh my god please put the hammer down and OH MY GOD, IS THAT A SAW? I'M SORRY I DIDN'T MEAN IT!! Why do you even have a saw anyways, oh my gaaawwwd.
What do you mean, all the art students have them? Do they want to make you all serial killers? Oh my god are they training you all up to become Raiders fans???
I'm sorry, no, I know that was low of me. Yes I understand what a bad insult it is. I feel terrible now. But I'm just so upset these days... I have to play, I know I'm a good quarterback, I know I am! I'll be like The Little Engine that Could! I think I can! I think I can! I think I can! And then he did, Internet! And he was blue, Internet, just like my jersey! It's totally meant to be!
I'm sorry I wasn't able to talk about baseball better, Internet. It's so hard sometimes, with all my pain and woe and pain and my SADNESS. Maybe next time! If there is a next time. I mean, if Jeffy stays healthy... which I totally hope he does... I mean, I don't want him to get hurt, not just when the guys are all seeming so happy... and when we got a win....
I mean he wouldn't have to break his ankle again, just kind of roll it... I mean, I don't want him to really be hurting, but if he could just have a little trouble getting around, so he can't play...
Oh my god! I didn't mean it! Please don't tell Mooch!
edit: Oh my god, Internet, this game is going into the 14th inning, and I'm so tired, and I just want to go to bed, and she won't let me, she just keeps poking me with the Lions car flag and it hurts, Internet! It has a really hard little plastic flag pole thing! This is what I meant about baseball, it just goes on and on and OH, I didn't say it, you must have heard something else. Please stop swearing at me, I don't even know what language that is! I'm sorry you have to stay up and read about the influence of French culture on Guadeloupan children, in French, I am, but can I please go to bed, please?
What do you mean, I have to stay up to tell you what's going on in the baseball game? Oh my god, it's men swinging a stick and there's a ball and it's little and I don't know anymore, please! I think there was just a... a double play? By a guy named 'Ensberg', on the pink team. Ensberg. It sounds like a tightend kind of name, doesn't it?
Wait, the announcer just said something about the time of this game and flying from Baltimore to Iceland. I'm confused! I didn't think they were in either Baltimore or Iceland... I thought they were somewhere in Texas? Maybe I was wrong. I have so much sadness and I want to go to bed.
edit again! Thank god, it's over! Now I can go to bed. Oh no no no, I mean, I wish the baseball could have gone on for ever and ever because it is so awesome. Ahllay voo uncoolay? I don't know what that means but oh my god please stop saying it so angry I might have to cry in my Oregon duckie pajamas. What do you mean I spelled it wrong? I don't know French!
Allez vous enculez. OK but I still don't know what it means!
Blogging is really hard, Internet, and baseball takes way too long! I need to get back on the field so so so badly. :(