Thursday, June 30, 2005
Off day, and I think we all know what that means.
Time for Fun with Roster Photos! Back to the AL East, we're tormenting the Orange Birds today.
Must be dangerous to have a water balloon for a head if you're a pitcher. What if you get hit by a ball? Won't your head explode?
Pitcher, or Easter Island stone statue?
It's a lollipop! It's a ball on a stick! Or it's Bruce Chen. Whichever.
Why's that football player wearing a baseball hat? Shouldn't he have a Ravens helmet?
Ah hur hur hur hur. Dur hur.
One of those rare roster photos that cause me to burst out laughing when I first see them. Holy shit, RoddyLo. I love how his eyes are two different sizes.
He's from California, but he still manages to look like an east coast kid trying and failing to look like a cool surfer dude.
Sidney Ponson: made of ham.
Why is it only ever the old guys with the porn 'staches? You never seem to see young players with them. Just to make it creepier?
Holy cats, Jabba the Hutt plays baseball!
This is the face of a man who murders people in their sleep.
Look kids, a Keebler elf!
The patented MLB portrait smrimace: halfway between a smile and a grimace.
I know he's on the DL right now, but still. Not bad, although there's a bit of a blockhead thing going on.
The Orioles on-field coaches had better watch out, lest a strong breeze carry him away.
Because what fun are roster photos unless at least one player per team looks stoned?
He looks like he needs Viagra, doesn't he?
Sorry Marianne, but he does look kind of like a startled, nonverdant Shrek here.
Mere centimeters from eyebrow unification.
The ungracefully-aging frat boy look.
Aiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!! Oh my god. The triangular eyebrows! The highly bridged nose! The tiny, creepy mouth! The big watery eyes! This is a horrifying combination.
I do wonder what the cameraperson said to give him that expression of combined confusion and sadness.
His dimples are going to implode his entire face.
Is it just me, or are his eyes really, extremely, creepily pale?
Sculpted out of clay, then smashed in the face with a baseball bat.
Ladies and gents, your 2005 Baltimore Orioles.
Oh, and this is a plea not just for Tigers fans, but for all of Major League Baseball: Please, won't anyone think of the kittens??