Saturday, September 10, 2005
There was some speculation during this game, once we realized that the Bleach Crew had clearly gotten to Jeremi Gonzalez as well as Curt and Millar, about when they were just going to get the entire team to bleach their hair. Behold my 10-second artist's rendition of Matt Clement with his proposed rally hairdo.
That's got nothing to do with anything, but the game was so miserable that I figure I may as well start you off with the lightest horror.
I don't want to talk about the last two days of baseball.
Happily, I have Michigan/Notre Dame to look forward to in a little under 8 hours.
The Red Sox... the wonky defense got us again. I don't know what to say about Edgar. I don't know that I've ever actually seen someone throw the ball, on a relay, directly at the ground before. That was special. Special like a tiny, tiny kitten with one eye and extra toes and a smashed-up persian-style face so its tongue is always sticking out and it's drooling. Also it has the mange. And the runs. THIS KITTEN IS THE METAPHOR FOR EDGAR RENTERIA THROWING THE BALL AT THE GROUND. PICTURE IT. PICTURE IT IN ALL ITS SWEETLY, HEART-WRENCHINGLY DEFORMED KITTENNESS.
And then, of course, we got Sveumed. Because it wouldn't be a big game unless Dale Sveum decided to be a GREAT BIG STUPIDHEAD and send someone home from third when there was NOT A TINY PLANCK'S LENGTH-SLIVER OF A CHANCE that they would be safe at the plate. Case in point. Jason Varitek heads to third base. Dale Sveum sends Jason Varitek home. Jason Varitek rumbles down the line while Derek Jeter (Captain Intangibles, His Holiness, Keeper of the Calm Eyes, Mr. Autumnal Month Associated with Pagan Holidays, Baby Daddy [to A-Rod]) captured the ball and threw it down the line. To the Chinless Wonder. Who had the ball in his grubby little peed-upon hands while Varitek was still a good solid 30 feet away.
Varitek saw this and realized that he was out by pterodactyl wing-span, so, with nowhere to go, he did the only thing he could do... charge in full-bore and attempt to level the Chinless Wonder. He did his best, but tCW doesn't whizz on his hands for no reason, and his grip was true, and Varitek was blatantly, painfully out. At the plate. Thanks to Dale Sveum.
Thanks, Dale! Thanks a great big sopping lot!
Wells wasn't great either, although of course he claimed that umpiring had at least a sticky finger in that mess:
If anything displeased Wells more than what he felt was an early hook, it was a 2-2 cutter to A-Rod that he felt was strike three. Home plate umpire Bill Miller saw otherwise, and the next pitch was the homer.
"It was a backdoor cutter," said Wells. "Unless I'm blind, that was right down the middle."
official site recap
Now, David Wells is a great many things, but I don't think 'blind' is one of them. He is 'loud' and 'out-spoken' and 'occasionally obnoxious', but for whatever it's worth I thought the pitch he's talking about was a strike too at the time. Also, he called Jorge Posada's homerun a 'cookie'. I am utterly unsurprised by the choice of culinary metaphor, although it's interesting that he goes for the sweets instead of the more familiar 'tater'.
By the way, how hard does Matt Lawton suck? Wicked hard. Too bad we couldn't, you know, exploit a REALLY OBVIOUS WEAKNESS or anything. Sigh.
Things I've Failed to Mention Here Because The First Week of Classes Has Sucked the Life Out of Me But Which I am Now Mentioning and Which You Ought to Have a Look at
--My birthday was shared by Jere, who is one whole Tony Graffanino older than me. Because both of us had our birthday on September 8th, and because we are both clearly more awesome than a pair of the Pants of Awesomeity, September 8th was long-ago declared Red Sox Fan Appreciation of Awesomeness and Overuse of the Word Awesome Day, or something along those lines.
Rebecca, another Sox Fan on Awesomeity, but not one born on the aforementioned Awesome day, drew us a logo, causing me to say to things like "YAY PRETTY" for several hours straight through.
After an absolutely horrible day of classes, I came home (at 10:30 at night) to find that the SG crew had left me a little something. A little something AWESOME. They know my tastes far, far too well over there. Actually, for internet people, they know me far too well over there. Heh.
September 8 was also my friend Tomàs' birthday, and he's exactly the same age as me, so happy birthday, Tomàs, if you ever read this, which is doubtful because you are an art student and I am not at all sure that you actually know what baseball is.
--Kristen explains the difference between Patriots fans and Raiders fans. With photos! Terrifying, terrifying photos.
--McCovey Chronicles has far and away the best take on the entire Bonds situation I've seen, anywhere. It involves Star Trek and the phrase "rolled around in the pile like a sea otter on ecstasy", so you know it's well-worth reading.
--Most amazingest Michigan/ND preview ever, comin' to you from the obscenely thorough yet hilarious shore of (where else?) MGoBlog. One day, someone will approach Brian's high pedestal of college football blogging majesty, but that day is not yet upon us.
--Catfish Stew gets in the zone. Creepy if true. Well-written in any event.
--Lookout Landing takes a look at underrated and overrated players. Fascinating stuff, and I love it when people crunch this stuff with actual numbers, so I don't have to. I am pleased the Jeter clocked in at number 1 for overrated players. In his 'flying under the radar' section, though, I was shocked at the Craig Monroe representation. Craigger's that underrated? Weird.
--Football. Beth. Everyone rejoices. That time of the year again! Yeah, I know what I'll be doing this Sunday. You know too. Go on. Guess.*
--If you haven't read the Being Edgar Renteria Quiz yet, I don't know what to do with you. You are just a bad human being. Go read it now and claim some small scrap of redemption. Or pee your pants laughing, whichever.
--An Indians blogger has a very simple take on the Wild Card.
--Kyle Lohse went RARGH and got all demolition on his manager's office door. Hee hee. Whatever, don't bother with that, just go check out some of the Twins' September callups, as 'hot' chicks. Hottness in title, not actuality.
And now sleep. I would have gone to sleep earlier but SOMEONE ON MY HALL WAS HAMMERING POSTERS INTO THEIR WALL AND I WILL HUNT THEM DOWN AND KILL THEM LATER. Football soon! I'm bringing my camera to this game too... there were some color issues in the NIU photo batch, I think because the sun was so bright, so I'm bringing the lens hood to this game. Maybe it will make a difference.
*Watching the Lions game, wearing a Lions jersey, clutching either the Lions car flag or the Michigan football helmet pillow, screaming at the TV. You know you're jealous.