Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Tonight's game, as seen from the bench and, more specifically, the vigilant cooler-occupying post of Kevin Youkilis.
Man is it warm tonight.
OK Matty, you show 'em. Way to pi-- ooh, hey, sunflower seeds! Arright!
*crunch crunch crunch*
Cora, you can't do that stuff, man. Givin' the bench a bad name!
*crunch crunch crunch*
*crunch crunch crunch*
*spit*
Great, Billy's up. Whoop de freakin' doo. Watch him strikeout or do somethin' else not nearly as well at the GREEK GOD OF WALKS woulda done it. Watch him ground out. Watch him pop out weakly. Watch him
oh fuck.
I'm never going to get playin' time at this rate.
Wow, damn, Renteria. I dunno man, that's pretty weak. I'd rather have Alex Machado out there like back down in Pawtucket, and I sure never thought I'd be sayin' I wished anything was like Pawtucket up here.
*crunch crunch*
Arright, Billy Ked!
Hey, Peta-jean! Way to work it! Arright! Damn I wish I was in I play like 500 times better at first base than this schlump but hey. Hey. Chin up there Youk, is he a fan fave? Does he have his own chant? Does he have ladies hurlin' themselves at him? Does he have a nickname that causes said ladies to assume some fun things about his little Petagine? Nuh uh. You're the man, Youk, you're the man.
Shut up Tony, I am NOT talkin' to myself! I'm keepin' my head in the game! You wanna come over to this damn cooler and say that? No? I DIDN'T THINK SO. Hurt pinkie my ass, lazy showboater.
What? No way, Tito, no trouble here. Just sittin' on my cooler here. Eatin' some sunflower seeds. Watchin' the game. Tryin' to not think what the weather's like in Pawtucket right now. You know how I do. Not makin' any trouble. You're subbin' in Kapler? OK, Tito. Sounds good t'me. Just remember your friendly infielding bench option right over here, OK?
*crunch crunch crunch*
*crunch crunch crunch spit*
Jesus fuckin' Johnny Damon, who the hell is this guy? Rem-linger? Is he related to the Rem-dawg? Oh my god, I think he's old enough to be my dad. He's got more gray hair in his goatee than brokedown old Bill Mueller, and everyone knows how ready he is to turn things over to a younger and more capable replacement.
Wow this guy sucks like a cheap AAA-affordable baseball groupie whore.
All knotted up and hey Tito! You need defense! It's sittin' pretty right here!
Shut UP Tony, I don't mean 'sittin' pretty' like gay! You're just jealous of my hot Youks self. Admit it, Royals boy. Quit laughin'.
Hey look, more sunflower seeds!
*crunch crunch crunch*
*crunch crunch crunch*
*crunch crunch*
*spit*
*spit*
Dammit, I'm gonna miss the Simpsons if we don't hurry this thing up!
Hey, what, Skip? Sure I'm ready to go in! I've been ready to go in! You takin' Mueller out? Cause I gotta say, I don't blame you, he's looked flat out there tonight... uh, ever since his homerun. Wait. First base? Huh. OK. I can do that too. Kevin Youkilis, man, super infieldin sub!
No runs for you, Texas! The sight of Youk at first just sends you tremblin' away in fear, doesn't it? Ha ha, bite me, blue shirts! Bite meeeeeeee!
Now all we gotta do is get someone across here. All we gotta do is... hey, sunflower seeds!
*crunch crunch crunch*
*spit*
Arright, hey, Edgar! Way to redeem, man, Machado doesn't do that if we got him here. C'mere man, lemme give you a big ol' hug. That? Oh, don't mind that stuff on my jersey none. It's just sunflower seed bits. Brushes right off. Now c'mere and gimme that hug.
Edgar? C'mon man, you've hugged Manny enough. Don't worry, the sunflower seeds don't bite!
C'mere man!
Heck, well. Arright! Red Sox win! Whoo!
Now let's see if I can't 'accidentally' get Billy to trip down some stairs over here.
4:33 AM
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