Thursday, July 14, 2005
Submarining from both sides on the Sox these days, it looks like. Kids, everyone say hi to Chad Bradford. No, not Chad Cordero, that's the other Chad, don't get too excited. This is the Chad you might remember from things like "the book Moneyball" and "the articles of every sports writer who's ever referenced the aforementioned book a billion times since it was written".
He throws from down low, like Mike Myers, but Myers is a lefty while ChadBrad here is a righty, so now we're going to be scraping the dirt on both sides of the mound. Although I think Myers throws mostly sidearm, while ChadBrad actually throws a true submariner. Eh, I could be full of shit on that one, too lazy to look it up.
Our new relief pitcher friend comes to us with a wonky back acquired by the stressful nature of his low-down pitch. Hopefully it's been treated with this surgery he's coming off of and it will cease to be a problem, although, really, I fail to see how his pitching could possibly be any worse than the fireworks shows a weak-kneed Keith Foulke had been kindly treating us to.
In return for this recently-injured commodity the A's get Jay Payton and whatever baggage he may or may not be toting along with him. They also dealt The Hated Eric Byrnes to the Rockies, by the by, where his Hated Floppy Hairdo and his Hated Batting Average will probably blossom, but where there will at least be a small consolation for Red Sox fans who hate the dude. Remember, kids: it doesn't matter how good your BA is if you're stuck on a team that sucks harder than something Denny Neagle would pay.
Fun fact from my friend who just got to Australia for his study abroad program! Apparently "to barrack" for a team means that you root for them; for instance, "I barrack for two teams: the Red Sox and the Tigers, or whoever's playing the Yankees, so I suppose I barrack for three teams really." If you say that you "root" for a team, it means that you're having sex with all of them. I had no idea, but I love it. The best bit is picturing my friend Dave telling someone that he 'roots for the Boston Red Sox' and being confused by their reaction, but perhaps you have to know Dave to be amused by this.
In any event, if any of you lot ever get out to Australia, bear these things in mind. Don't pet the platypuses (the males have poisonous spurs on their hind feet), football is that silly sport where you kick the round dalmatian ball, and you barrack for the Sox. Unless, of course, you actually are sleeping with them. In which case, you lucky dog, you're rooting for them.