Wednesday, May 11, 2005
You know, if it wasn't for the red jerseys, you could be forgiven for thinking that was a photo from a playoff game.
But nope, it's still just May. These are the Boston Red Sox, though, so things like 'still just May' don't apply... you can't say "but it's still just spring training" or "but he hasn't actually been injured yet" or "I always trust the manager's opinion implicitly" without someone getting extremely irate and belligerent. Which, in my angry New England opinion, is just as it should be. Anything less would be baseball apathy.
So, Jason Varitek, you are a god among mere mortals. Your play-calling has inspired haikus and your thighs have inspired limericks (dirty ones). The A-Rod brawl raised you from the status of a hero to a legend. The captaincy sealed it. This walk-off homer, the second for the team in two nights, in the face of all that, seems so trite. So miniscule. So utterly unimportant.
Which is too bad, because I'll be beaming all day tomorrow because of it.
Can someone explain to me why the little leprechaun man, aka Bobby Kielty, hit us so well? I mean, the last time I checked, the little leprechaun man was a pale fellow with bright red hair who got his photograph taken when Barry Zito felt like taking his camera to the bathroom with him and who couldn't hit any more than a real leprechaun could, not this guy who can batter our pitching and ruffle Eric Byrnes' hair in the dugout after a late-inning homerun. No.
The pitcher formerly known as Barry Zito? I think I have an explanation. We all know that men don't think with their heads, they think with their groinal bits. Now, look at how Zito was wearing his pants today. He seems to have basically spraypainted them on. Here's the hypothesis: I think the pants are cutting off the flow of blood to Zito's groin, and without any oxygen getting to his thinking center, he's unable to pitch. I think this could be true.
Hey, Will Carroll I'm not.
The Tigers also won today, coming from behind and generally covering up the fact that Ledezma had his usual shaky, palsied outing. There were some freakish scores for the Tigs, including a wild pitch that bonked off of the helmet of the umpire and went bouncing out of the sight of the Texas catcher, allowing two runs to score. We were also treated to the full 'Nook Logan show', as the Texas announcers put it-- getting on base, stealing a base, and then coming around to home on a relatively weak hit because he's so fast he can do things like that.
The Farns got in the game for the first time since doing whatever the hell he did to his arms a number of games ago. He had a 1-2-3 inning... I think his velocity might not have been the scorching heat it generally has, but I figure he needs some time to work back up to that. I do love me some Farns.
There's more to chat about, like the resignation of Tony Pena and how Zach Greinke wandered around Baltimore at 4 am in shock and sadness when he first heard, and THE INJURY TO TROY PERCIVAL THAT'S GOING TO KEEP HIM OUT FOR 4-6 WEEKS WHAT A FUCKING HOOT, but it's nearly midnight and wouldn't you know, I've got to be up at 4:30 am again. Bird banding is more fun than I ever imagined and you learn tons, but when you live about an hour away from the sanctuary, the hours can be kind of brutal.
So, to close (pun unintended but intentionally left in place):
Everyone all together now:
YEAH KEITH, WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING FIGURE IT OUT AND GET BACK TO US?