Sunday, May 08, 2005
Why My Mom is Better Than 10 Red Sox
1. Jason Varitek: There is never any debate necessary about the worth of my mom's lengthy contract.
2. Mark Bellhorn: My mom does not strike out with reckless abandon.
3. Manny Ramirez: My mom never goofs off in the field and misses an easy out (or forgets to pick my brother up after school).
4. Curt Schilling: Screw pitching on a bloody ankle, my mom gave birth to me. Beat that, Schilling.
5. Tim Wakefield: My mom is consistently awesome, not reliant on a pitch that is by its very nature unreliable.
6. Johnny Damon: My mom is smart and articulate enough to write an entire book by herself if she was so inclined. No lameass ghost writers here.
7. Keith Foulke: My mom is solid in the late innings and never makes you frantic with worry that she'll give up a booming homerun in a close game.
8. Kevin Millar: My mom has never done a goofy ad for fried chicken.
9. Terry Francona: The only time my mom rocks back and forth with insane worry is when she was teaching me and/or my brother how to drive.
10. David Ortiz: Both Ortiz and my mom sometimes inspire in me the great, immense urge to HUG. Unlike David Ortiz, if I want to hug my mom, I can.
Saw an insane Tigers game today, absolutely nuts, and they finally won a run-one game, and Bondy looked immense, but I'll talk about it in a later post.
Happy Mother's Day, everyone.