Friday, May 06, 2005
Thanks, Detroit News!
That about sums up the series, doesn't it? Brandon Inge- face of pain. I tell you kids, I know full well that he is still adjusting to his position at third base, but he sorely tried my love for him in this series. Those errors... well, enough has been said on them already, I'm sure. In fact, it was altogether difficult for a corner-infield-lovin' gal such as myself, since Carlos Pena didn't exactly distinguish himself at the plate either (aside from those two homeruns, and how does one manage to get two homeruns yet still be a dismal batter? Oh, Carlos).
So the series is over, and I can stop tearing my hair out and having violently disorienting swings of affiliation in the middle of innings*. I have to admit that I was rooting for the Tigers to win today, both because I think they needed the momentum more than the Sox did and because I wanted the series to be split, exactly like my brain. I don't think I have a corpus callosum anymore. I now have two brains in my skull.
Brain 1: OMG Arroyo is pitching so well! He's throwing a... oh no, mustn't mention it!
Brain 2: NO-HITTER. HE'S THROWING A NO-HITTER. NO-HITTER NO-HITTER NO-HITTER. You hear me, jinxing gods? No-hitter in progress down here! Bronson Arroyo! No-hitter! Right here!
Brain 1: SHUT UP, BITCH.
Brain 2: Haven't you won enough? All I want is an even series. Nasty road trip coming up, c'mon, we need the momentum.
Brain 1: Momentum my middle neuron! We're ages behind the Orioles, we can't afford to squander any wins.
Brain 2: Carlos Guillen yyaaaaayyyy! This is why you are an All Star, Carlos! Oh my happy cerebral bits!
Brain 1: You jinxed it, you horrible hunk of gray matter. I can't believe this. We have one run off of Jason Johnson. Who the fuck is Jason Johnson? I don't even know who this guy is and we have one run off of him. Unacceptable.
Brain 2: He is a perfectly good pitcher thank you very much. I refuse to feel guilty for breaking up the no-hitter. Tigaz need a win here, baby!
Brain 1: Yeah, whatever. I'll be here when you get back down from the land of delusion.
It wasn't a very happy fun place inside my head during this series. Er. In case you couldn't tell.
Just a few thoughts from this last game, because it's rather later than I thought it was and is only getting later**.
For the Sox, obviously it's not good that Edgah was taken out of the game after letting his tender fingers get crushed between the head of his bat and a speedy baseball... or is it? Perhaps his mere absence from the lineup will reduce the number of double plays and inning-ending outs plaguing the Sox. Who's his replacement? Ramon Vasquez? OK, maybe not.
And what in the world was up with Kevin Millar breaking his bats? Well, his bat, and then his backup bat, and then Doug Mirabelli's backup bat, and then Curt Schilling's air cast which he was using as a bat because no one else in the dugout would let him use their bats... and all this just so we could hear Don Orsillo say, "Kevin Millar with new wood standing in the on-deck circle." Hee hee hee.
The pitchers for this last game were impressive. Arroyo's no-hitter into the 7th was a painfully beautiful thing to watch-- I wish like hell he'd done it against any other team in baseball, because then it wouldn't have that little twinge of bitterness at the back of it. Oh well. It was amusing to watch the Red Sox messageboard I was on carefully skitter away from any mention of it to avoid The Jinx, while the Tigers 'board I was on at the same time was busy announcing loudly and often that there was a NO-HITTER going on, and would the Jinx Gods please take note of this fact.
JJ wasn't throwing a no-hitter (or a 'no-no', as they're called in the headlines, retarded as that sounds) but he was putting in an equally impressive performance, giving up just one run against an offense that has the potential to be very damaging. For him to go toe-to-toe with an on-fire Arroyo for as long as he did was, if not as aesthetically pleasing as the high-leg-kick fueled no-hitter, just as impressive. He even managed to survive the obligatory early game 'reading of the list of previous diabetic major leaguers' by Don and Remy.
It's painful to see the kind of outing JJ had wasted by a lack of bat power, especially since you can't necessarily count on him to have that kind of stuff again consistently this season. The lineup was not helped by the fact that Tram refused to deviate from his preset plan. He wanted to sit Pudge and Rondell to rest them ahead of time. The game before, Craigger did something inexplicable to his groin and had to sit out today. But Tram still sat both Pudge and Rondell as well, meaning that the Tigers lineup had guys like the hitless wonder that is 44th Round out there battling gamely next to Bobby 'I heart pop flyouts' Higginson.
Not exactly the lineup you want to see when you're trying to break open a pitcher's duel. And that's it, I wash my hands of this series, I'm going to back to rooting for all my boys like a normal human being.
Now the awesome stuff.
MLB.com is doing a Mother's Day event, where one ball player from each team writes a little missive about how much they love their mother or wife. It's David Ortiz writing about his wife Tiffany for the Sox and Nate Robertson writing to his mom for the Tigers, and is there anything cuter than that? NO, THERE PROBABLY IS NOT.
"Tiffany, I think you're a great mom. I feel so happy and safe knowing that when I'm not around, our kids are safe with their mom. You have a great personality. I don't think anybody can take care of kids better than you do. Love, David."
"For you, Mother, and all you have done for me. For your sacrificed time and for your support throughout my life. For giving all you had to make things better for me, thank you. Happy Mother's Day! I love you, your No. 2 son -- Nathan."
Ohmygodcute! And Nate looks like he's going to the prom with his mother, aaawwww. Ahem. Anyways, if you look at the National League guys, you'll notice that the Cardinals representative is Jason Marquis, and the Pirates rep is John Grabow. How many Jewish ballplayers are there in the entire league? Not many. But out of the 30 ballplayers selected to praise their moms or wives, two are Jewish. Obviously this is because Jewish men love their moms! John Grabow's is particularly adorable, he put in a photo of his mom with him when he was a baby. I'm plotzing here.
Lastly, I have no idea what Razor Magazine is, some men's magazine or something, but their most recent issue has a feature in it with baseball players all gussied up like male fashion models. I'm not sure if the magazine is based on Oakland or what, but the guys they used are Mark Mulder, Eric Chavez, Bobby Crosby, and Keith Foulke... that's current and past A's, see. I don't know. I admit I was surprised to see that lineup... I mean, Mulder= hot (if unfortunately of evil collegiate origin), Chavvy= hot, Crosby= holy fuck, Foulke= uh, well, Beth, I guess you're not alone after all.
Personally speakin' it's Crosby who kills me in this set, but I figure I may as well play to my audience, so, behold Keith Foulke in all his well-dressed glory.
Also, if you look at that little gallery, you'll notice that Mulder and Crosby both have shots with girls hanging off of them, while Chavvy and Foulke both have girls merely near them. Heh. Three guesses which ones are married and which ones aren't here.
EDIT: OK, it turns out that Brandon Inge has been playing with strep throat. Could explain quite a bit. All you Bingey-doubters, sit down. I love Tram's reaction to the news that Inge had been playing with strep, though:
"Uh, didn't know that," Tigers manager Alan Trammell said.
I love you, Tram.
*Until August, anyhow.
**I was writing this at around 3:30 am. I fell asleep before I finished it up. You should see the last few sentences I had written... utterly incoherent. Hilarious.