Formerly Felines for Anarchistic Green Democracies

A Bostonian at the University of Michigan.

There will also be discussion of the New England Patriots, Miami Dolphins, and Michigan Wolverines. Probably in that order.

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Spelling rant
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A Tigers Comedy of Errors
How bad is Keith Foulke really?
Harry Potter and the Boston Red Sox
Bellhorn vs. Graffanino vs. Lamprey
Critiquing team slogans
Joey Harrington blogs a baseball game
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8 Days of Jewish Baseball
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Part II: rise of the Soxxabees
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Note: Comments may not exactly correspond to images, as the images will change when the team puts up new photos. Adds a level of surreality, I think.
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Tuesday, March 22, 2005  
Sometimes art school facilitates being a sports fan.

The University of Michigan art school, for instance, is not particularly multi-cultural in a wide spectrum, probably because it's so relatively small. But there is a very large contingent of Korean students in the art school, for whatever reason (heavily targeted recruiting, I suspect), and naturally I'm friends with a number of them.

While we were taking a short break today in photography I was flipping around online. I opened up the site for those Korean baseball cartoons to see if there were any new ones up, and it suddenly occurred to me hey, I have these Korean cartoons right here, and I have my buddy Hye-Jin, who happens to be Korean and is very good at putting up with my various insane behaviors, sitting right here next to me.

"Psst, Hye-Jin, can you tell me what this stuff means?"

Click the preview image to see the whole cartoon. It should open up in a new window so you can follow along with the translation if you wish.

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First panel: Manny is doing the double-point gesture with everyone. They're not saying anything important, just "Heeey!" and stuff like that. Note the accurately pine-tar covered batting helmet.

Second panel: Curt is saying, "Randy [Johnson] and [Roger] Clemens aren't here?!! Pedro's numbers are falling off... the AL [Cy Young] is all mine!!!" The guy in the background going "....." is, of course, Johan Santana. We all know how that one worked out.

Third panel: Ortiz-as-Shrek is chuckling, Millar-as-Donkey is saying, "I don't get it [or 'this doesn't make any sense']!! How'd I end up as the donkey?! I'm gonna kick something!" Well, Ortiz does kind of call Shrek to mind, and quite frankly Millar as the voluble ass and sidekick is more appropriate than, well, lots of things.

Fourth panel: The guys in the suits are supposed to be the Men in Black (yes, like the movie). The one sitting down is asking Pedro, "Where are you from?" and Pedro is replying, "I am from planet P45." It's unclear whether this is referring to the fact that Pedro is so good it's like he's from another planet or he's so bizarre that he's from another planet. There's this earlier cartoon, which would presumably clear things up if I could get a translation on it. Hmm. During which class can I next harass Hye-Jin...

Fifth panel: Foulke is saying, "[I'm] Throwing the slowest pitch... heh heh." Then he whirls around (that second figure is Foulke again, in case you weren't clear) and says, "So how do you explain yourself [or 'that'... he could be pointing at a baseball off-panel, maybe]?!!". Wake is yelling, "None of your business!!" I'm pretty sure it's a reference to Foulke's bread-and-butter pitch, as it were, his slow change-up. But of course the knuckleball that Wake throws is slower.

Sixth panel: No explanation needed.

Seventh panel: DLowe is saying something to the effect of, "Go on, run... it's your legs that'll hurt, not mine, huh?" I think it's about the number of guys who steal bases on him, but if someone has a better explanation that fits let me know. Anyways, note the flushed cheeks that've been drawn in... it's the famous (infamous?) Derek Lowe Face!

Anyways, Hye-Jin seemed to actually get a kick out of this, so maybe I'll bug her for some more translations eventually, or at least the Tigers one. But let's all have a hooray for bilingual friends!

On a side note, we started gas welding in metals today. Kids, it is bloody terrifying. Here are the ways that you can end up in the hospital (or morgue!) by being in this class:

-If you turn on the acetylene tank incorrectly or knock it over, you can cause it to explode into a GIANT FLAMING BALL OF CRISPY DOOM that will not only singe your eyebrows, it will also kill you and probably everyone within that entire wing of the art school. I am not even kidding about that.

-If you turn on the oxygen tank incorrectly or knock it over, you can cause the pressure to release explosively. This will not create a FLAMING FIREBALL unless you light it, but it will cause the huge fucking tank to go shooting away so precipitously that it will actually break through the wall with missile-like force and go shooting across the street into Pierpont Commons, where it will continue to shoot through walls until it's had enough. Of course, that's assuming it shoots out backwards, if it goes the other way it'll hit you full on and break every bone in your body. And probably kill you. Again, not exaggerating. I don't want to go within 50 feet of these bloody tanks, let alone right up to them to twist their dials every day.

-If you hold your torch facing the tanks when you light it... yes, you guessed it, flaming bomb of doom. This reaction would actually probably flatten half the building. It goes without saying that you and everyone in the metals studio would swiftly perish.

-If you have a loose grip on the torch while it's lit, or you hold it too far down the barrel where the hoses are, it can flop down and set your clothes, your hair, and you on fire. What happens then depends on how quickly you are put out.

-If a spark catches your hair or clothing, your hair or clothing will catch on fire. Bonus points if you used hair spray or are wearing a particularly fast-burning material (synthetics, usually). We're also not allowed to wear sandals, because I guess if sparks land on the top of your shoes it's OK, but if they land on bare toes you will have Major Pain.

-If you don't wear a face shield, or don't wear your face shield properly, or your face shield accidentally slips, you can singe your eyebrows. You can also literally ruin your eyes by staring directly at the torch flame without any eye protection. If you're wearing regular clear goggles and think you're safe, guess what, you're not. You won't get sparks in your eyes, but if you don't have the industrial, green-tinted eye protectors you'll burn out your corneas anyways.

-If you accidentally touch the metal, or the vice you're using to hold the metal, or a little scrap of metal that some asshole of a sorority girl left lying around, you can severely burn yourself.

-If you let your metal get too molten it can drip down, and then you're screwed sandals or no sandals.

-If your torch tip is kind of old and hasn't been filed out recently it can back up and send flames shooting out the holes at the base of the tip, which is incidentally where you're supposed to hold it. Crispy hands will result.

And bear in mind, that's just gas welding, and only gas welding in it's simplest form. That's not even getting into what the power tools can do to you, or what happens if you get your hair caught in the buffer, or if you're using the metal drill press without goggles and a stray bit of metal flies up and hits you in the face.

Yessir, metals. It sure is the art for me!

5:39 PM

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