Sunday, March 27, 2005
The latest talk of the Red Sox 'net has been the Powerpoint presentation that a group of adorable little schoolchildren out in Acton made, telling the Red Sox and the Yankees that they want the players to shake hands before games and not set a bad example by being 'violent' and 'mean' and 'awesome to watch and root for'.
You can see this infamous and insidious presentation here.
Now, if you know me at all, you know my stance on small children-- I don't like them. I don't like them at all. I don't trust them, I don't enjoy their company, and I don't want any of my own. Small children who try to ruin the Boston/New York rivalry, therefore, are like my worst nightmare made real. The only way it could be worse is if they were all from Ohio and wanted to grow up to be Buckeyes.
Obviously a response was necessary.
Click on the lovely fight drawing to get to my Powerpoint presentation about why shaking hands would be a bad idea for everyone involved. Hey, if small children can make a crappy, incoherent Powerpoint, so can I. And yes, I realize that it seems to have turned all the images into .gifs that sometimes have icky black lines on them, if anyone knows how to fix that please let me know.
Now, the kids sent their little slideshow to the teams, right? Quick, someone get me some front office addresses. We can't let them make their decision based on just one side of the story, now can we?
Join me in my fight against camaraderie, handshakes, and small children. Spread the message. Children are evil, and we like our baseball rivalry just the way it is.
edit: Amy put me on to this one. Barry Zito, 26 year old ace of the Oakland A's rotation, is kind of emo and kind of hippy and kind of an aspiring photographer. He chronicled his spring training in a photographic fashion. Some of them are actually pretty artsy and some of them are actually pretty good. Plus, Barry Zito. Dear lord.
"I like the moist sensation."
Theo, any chance of picking this kid up when his contract expires in Oakland? If he has a good season they probably would have a devil of a time affording him...