Tuesday, November 16, 2004
I think we all knew this was coming.
The Cowboys continue their slide into ignominy with a loss to FlappingGums Owens and the Philadelphia Eagles. Owens had three (count 'em! three! the announcers certainly did!) touchdown receptions, and three different touchdown dances. On the first one he did a weird little shuffle that looked like something he did because he couldn't think of anything better, although it's almost certain that it was entirely premeditated. On the second one he marched up to the Cowboys helmet painted in the endzone, planted himself in the middle of the blue star, and spread his arms in a christ-like gesture. Meep. For the third one he settled for the less directly cruel alternative of dunking the ball over the goalposts.
Sigh. Owens is one of those guys. You know the ones. The guys you hate to watch on another team. But if they were on your team, you know you would love them. Their inflammatory antics in the endzone become spirited and endearing when they're one of your own boys. You have to give FlappingGums credit for his creativity and the sheer amusement value of his game. "God is good, he put me in a situation here tonight... and I let numbah 5 [quarterback Donovan McNabb] and the offensive line give me some time..." Not exactly Curt Schilling, but at least TO didn't allude to past murder trials of his opponents this time.
McNabb, by the by, was not to be overshadowed. He had an incredible play, where he should have been sacked two or three seconds into it, broke the tackle, scrambled left, scrambled right, scrambled all around the entire damn backfield, and fourteen seconds later chucked the ball 60 yards down the field. For a completion. Because his receivers had so much faith in him that they never stopped running. I've never seen anything like it. Never. After the game the interviewer asked him what he was thinking during that play, and he said, "Please don't tackle me."
Bill Parcells press conference. Oh, this should be classic tonight.
"I'm not giving you any soundbites tonight." "I don't even know who caught the touchdowns, to tell the truth." "That good enough? You want something else? What do you want me to do, make something up? You're looking for your soundbite now. Alright. That's it." And then he stalks off the podium, pouchy eyes flashing an icy Cowboy blue, white hair bristling menacingly. I think Bill Parcells is going to go back into the lockerroom right now, grab Vinny Testaverde by his jockstrap, and slowly flay him to death with a pair of specially sharpened cleats while the rest of the team is forced to sit and watch. Then maybe he'll yell a little, to let off some more of his tremendous rage. Then perhaps more flaying.
An interesting Cowboys note. Their website is perhaps the worst webdesign in the NFL. Utterly unreadable, bad font choices, bad color choices, information buried inexplicably in weird places. Perhaps it's a reflection of their season.
Next week you might want to watch the Giants play the Falcons, if you can get them on TV. The game's at 4:15 next Sunday. The reason this is a game to see? Kurt Warner has been benched, and Eli Manning is making his first start. Warner's been sacked up and down the field, and the offensive line certainly isn't changing, so there's a chance that ManningMark2 will get a little roughed up. In any event, it should be interesting.
Mark Brunell of the Washington Redskins has been benched, which puts in Patrick Ramsey. But really, does anyone care?
If Parcells disposes of Testaverde in a sanguinary manner tonight, it might mean some starts for backup QB Drew Henson. That's right, Drew Henson, University of Michigan... student. No, he didn't graduate. He left after his junior year to play, not football, but baseball. Professional baseball. Can you see where this is going? He played with (insert sinister music here) the New York Yankees. He doesn't seem to have played much, since he broke his hand, but I think he was a third baseman. I have no idea what to make of this kid. Good? Evil? Time will tell.
What is going on here? Matt Millen, GM of the Detroit Lions, is interacting with Joey Harrington, but beyond that the image is open to speculation. Is he begging him to have a good game? Encouraging him? Blessing him? Having a man-love moment? Attempting to strangle him?
Depending on whether that shot was taken before or after the game, any one of those is an viable possibility.
We can all agree that, regardless of what's actually going on there, Harrington looks positively melting. Tom Brady hasn't quite got the 'smoking hot quarterback' market cornered yet. Joey Harrington. Mmmyup. Now the kid just needs to learn how to THROW THE DAMN FOOTBALL.
This evening my digital teacher was having 'office hours': you go and get extra help with whatever projects you happen to be working on. Maya is a program that you can work with for years and still not know all of its features. This was the program they used to make Gollum in the Lord of the Rings movies, fercrissakes. I think it's understandable that I have a less-than-perfect comprehension of it. Heck, the teachers don't even know it in its entirety.
Office hours were held in the State St. Espresso Royale coffee shop. Because no one likes going to north campus unless they absolutely have to, because they have free internet, and because coffee is our friend.
One of the other digital teachers gave us a long intro speech today before class started. It was boring and, for the most part, incomprehensible. We were, however, treated to a bit of this woman's biography. And what a treat it was! She had been in the army during Vietnam, then came back to the US and went into the circus. And now she's teaching digital classes at Michigan. I have no idea how they find these teachers.
Ah, and I got into a tiff with one of the kids working the lunch line in the dorm today. I had my Brady jersey on, and he was wearing a Steelers hat. As I came up he said, "Hey, you really a Pats fan?" "Yup!" I replied, eyeing the food with an sadly jaded gaze. "Best team in football (pointing to his hat)! Guess who beat the Pats? That's right, the STEELERS! Best team in football, best team!"
"Uh huh. Right," I said while heading out into the main dining room, having bypassed all the warm food and resigning myself to yet another salad. "That's why we've won 23 of our last 24 games."
As I walked out I could hear one of the older lunch ladies whacking the Steelers kid with what sounded suspiciously like a ladle and shrilly admonishing him to "Take off dat damn hat! You puttin' people off der food!"
As it happened, the food had managed to put me off all on its own, but it was still worth a chuckle.