Sunday, July 25, 2004
Two movies in two nights. IF I HAVE TO SEE ONE MORE ADVERTISEMENT FOR C2 (THAT FRELLING CALORIE-SHORT KIND OF COKE) I AM GOING TO KILL SOMEONE.
Ahem.
Catwoman I saw last night with Corey, Kate, and Jason. It was bad. It was worse than bad. We went to see it in the firm expectation that it was going to be bad, and still we were shocked by its level of badness. The opening sequence detailed the history of the Egyptian Mau cat, and was so inexplicable and poorly done that I wanted to throw something at the screen. Literally. I had to use my left hand to restrain my right hand from flinging loose change at the screen.
Things deteriorated from there.
The director (Pitof... you know you're in trouble when the director only has one name) appeared to favor big panning shots of buildings right before a scene took place inside said buildings. City. Pan. Building. Tilt. Pan. Tilt. Actual scene. Another shot of the city. Pan. Building. Tilt. Pan. Tilt. Actual scene. Again. And again. It would have maybe, maybe been cool once. More than three times, unfortunately, it wasn't.
Why, in the name of all that's feline, Egyptian Maus? The Egpytian Mau, according to this movie, is supposed to be some sort of mystical cat with, um, powers. To bring Halle Berry back to life. And to make a whole series of catwomen throughout the ages, who embrace the inherent 'duality of women', their natural 'submissiveness and wildness'. Every age in history must have a lady in a scanty (for her time) outfit and a catty career of freedom and crime. Or something.
If you're willing to accept that (which I tend to think no one in their right mind would do... not even when you're trying to suspend disbelief enough to watch the movie), it still does not explain the Mau. Did they pick just because it has 'Egyptian' in the name? I mean, cripes, if they wanted a cool cat they should've used a Siamese. Or any Oriental Shorthair, really, they're all elegant and slinky and would be much more suited for this than a Mau, which has a lovely gray-spotted coat but a fairly rounded and unremarkable build. Heck, they would've been better off with a Sphynx, except for the unfortunate Austin Powers references.
Perhaps, for the sake of the movie, one would be willing to believe that Berry's transformation into Catwoman gave her catlike powers of agility and and heightened senses. Maybe. They still don't explain her ability to climb sheer walls as effectively as Spiderman. Or her suddenly ability to play basketball really, really well. I kid you not. There's a basketball scene. Now, the cats I've known have had certain levels of agility and grace (except for the really clumsy ones), but none of them have had any innate ability to handle a basketball. So far as I know.
I'm not even going to get into the... outfit they have Berry wearing for this, except to say that the mask, in profile, makes her nose look incredibly snub. Like a pug. Or persian, if you will. If I started in on the rest of the outfit we'd be here all night.
The CG scenes with the cat are, to put it mildly, pathetic. The hippogriff in Harry Potter was infinitely more convincing than this. The supporting cast was, to put it mildly, pathetic. We've got the spunky overweight friend, the spunky gay friend, the (sort of) hunky yet empty-headed Benjamin Bratt, the rich and scruple-less villains. It's all so blatantly unoriginal that it almost defies description.
The music.... the music. The music. I can't... even... think about... the music right now. I might be ill.
Suffice it to say that this was an awful movie. A dreadful movie. It was right up there with Swimfan and Swept Away. The legacy of Batman Returns and Michelle Pfeiffer and Eartha Kitt and Bob Kane has been tainted. It was kind of funny to watch it, because Corey, Jason and I made snide and horrified comments throughout the entire thing, but unless you have friends who will do exactly the same, DO NOT GO SEE THIS MOVIE. It is a waste of your money. People got up and left in the middle of it, and if we hadn't been so determined to sit it out and make fun of it, we would've done the same.
Interlude!
These two crazy trees are on Plum Island. It's a bizarre little place, and these are some bizarre little trees. Toss in the fact that the sun was setting in such a spectacular way, and I just had to take a picture.
Back on movies.
Tonight I saw The Bourne Supremacy with Kate, Helene, and Jess. Because all our male friends are off proving their manliness by climbing up a mountain in a manly way, waving their manly hunting knives, swilling their manly beer, grilling their manly steak tips. Yup. We spent the evening ogling Matt Damon. *thumbs up*
This, in stark contrast to Catwoman, was a very good movie. An excellent movie, even. Not only is Matt Damon extremely easy on the eyes, he also acts his way through this movie with a deft skill that makes you realize this isn't just some sort of Vin Diesel action flick. XXX it ain't.
It is about as intelligent as any movie of this sort can be. It is fast-paced, but not to the point where the audience gets lost. The hand-held camera technique is very effective, if a little nauseating at times. The action is quick and harsh and cool. It's also relatively believeable. It's unlikely that one could drive as well as Damon does after getting shot in the shoulder, or that the Russian taxi he's driving would hold up for so long under the beating it takes, but when all is said and done the movie does a pretty good job of keeping things as realistic as they can. Bourne jumps onto a boat from a great height, and limps throughout the rest of the movie. He doesn't look particularly battered at the end, but he doesn't look entirely unruffled either, and that's good enough for me.
The phone call scenes made me hop around in my seat happily. Good. Stuff.
I don't want to say too much more, in deference to those who haven't seen it yet. And you ought to go see this movie. GO SEE IT. It's a very, very entertaining movie that doesn't make you feel stupid for being entertained by it. And, you know, Matt Damon. Good actor. Attractive. Bostonian! That should be sufficient for all.
Speaking of Bostonian, how about those Red Sox tonight, eh? Coming from behind to beat the Yankees. This is the sort of thing we like to see here. More of this! More of this! Lowe is pitching tomorrow night, so you all need to go pray or dance or do whatever it is you do when your beloved team needs a big dose of Help in a fast and immediate way.
The DNC (Democractic National Convention) has sort of already started, but I think it doesn't techincally get going until Monday. Boston is going to be a wreck. Numerous highways are being shut, numerous commuter rails are being shut, parts of the T are being shut down. On the parts of the T that are running, random bag checks are being done. Every form of media you can imagine is supposed to be congregating at Fanueil Hall.
I plan to go in at least one day to do some people drawing. Hopefully I won't look too suspicious, sitting on a bench somewhere for a few hours, staring at people and drawing them. Hee hee. Ah well, the worst that could happen is that a cop could come over and ask me to leave. So I go somewhere else. No problem.
If anyone would like to join me for drawing fun in the massive crowds, you're more than welcome to do so.
OK, I'm pretty thoroughly exhausted now and ought to get to sleep. If you haven't heard any of the songs by Harry and the Potters, you're missing out. Utterly hilarious. They played 'The Weasel' on FNX, and I almost fell off the bed for sheer laughter. I wish I had heard of them when they were playing somewhere relatively close to here. Although they're coming back in early August. Does anyone know if the Middle East is an 18-and-up club, or a 21-and-up club?
I sleep now.
12:06 AM
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