Thursday, December 19, 2002
I SAW LORD OF THE RINGS!!! I went last night with Maura, Corey and Jason, and yes, it was a good time. It was a school night, but we're going to ignore that. I SAW THE TWO TOWERS!!! I SAW LORD OF THE RINGS!!!
I know that you are writhing with jealousy.
It was great. I loved it. Love. It was cool, it was amusing, my faith in the entire book-movie franchise remains unshaken. It was long, yes, but it was totally, utterly, without the slightest glimmer of a doubt worth it.
The following is for your own personal joy. There aren't any spoilers so long as you already know the basic story, which you should. If you don't, you are a fool. Read a classic, for cat's sake. Get some culture into your withered little mind. Anywho, here are
The things that were glorious:
-Orlando Bloom. I was sitting next to Maura, and she was melting in her seat. There seemed to be a lot more of Legolas in this one. And he is beautiful. Oh yes. He is beautiful.
-Gollum. At first I was afraid he was going to be a sort of Jar Jar Binks for LOTR, but then I began to enjoy him. They made him schizo, which made him an infinitely cooler character.
-The very beginning scene. I loved it. I won't tell you what it is, but it's a really good way to start the movie.
-New Zealand. I have decided that they have the best scenery in the world, other than Madagascar. It's so majestic. So breathtaking. So lovely. So... epic.
-Mr. However You Spell It Vigo Mortenson? Aragorn, anyways. He was a very good Aragorn in this one. And he would be hot, if only he would wash his hair and shave...
-The scene with Aragorn and Liv Tyler and the horse. You'd have to see the movie, if I told you now I'd wreck it for you. And I'd sure hate to do that.
-The Balrog. Loved him in the first movie, loved him in the second.
-The helmets of the men going into Mordor. There's a scene... well, you'll know what I mean if and when you see the movie. They're men, they're going into Mordor, and their helmets are wicked cool. 'Leastaways, I thought so.
-Helm's Deep. It was very cool, yeah, good stuff happening there. It got a bit confusing at bits, and it was sometimes hard to tell who was hacking the head off of who (whom?), but a thoroughly enjoyable battle sequence for all that.
-The Orc from the Olympics. It was funny. I laughed.
-The things the Nazgûl were riding. They were kind of like dragons, but they had tiny heads. I loved 'em.
-The latent homosexuality. Sam and Frodo. There were two distinct scenes where I was convinced they were going to begin making out. The set up was exactly what you see in movies before the two characters on the screen begin making out. It was awesome. Me, Maura, Corey and Jason were probably the only people in the theater picking up on these scenes, but it was pretty blatant to us. Then there was the scene with Aragorn and the long-haired, high-voiced child soldier of Rohan. Ooh ya. Sketchy. But gloriously amusing.
The things that were maybe not so glorious:
-Faramir. I won't say what he did in the movie, but it was TOTALLY DIFFERENT from what happened in the book, and it made me mad because I really liked him in the book, and I didn't like him in the movie.
-Gollum. Yes, I already said he was glorious. And he was. But he needed clothes. There were too many scenes where it was just the audience staring at bare, pulsating Gollum flesh. And that is not a glorious sight.
-The political overtones. There were way more of them in the movie than there were in the book, or maybe they were just more obvious in the movie. Blech.
-Liv Tyler's breast. There is a shot of it. It was clothed, but it was gauzily clothed, and still. I did not find it glorious. I hate the fact that they feel obligated to put all this sexual stuff in the movie that's not in the book at all. Piffle. Then again, if we were talking Legolas here... well. Anyways, I didn't enjoy it, but I hear tell that some of the males in the audience did not object in the least.
-Shadowfax. He should've been gray, not white. He was too cheesy.
-Haldir. Nasty looking elf. Yeah, he was pretty gross. Not overtly, but I mean, hey. They stick Orlando in there and then expect this guy to look like an unnaturally beautiful immortal? I think not.
-The Ents. The very first thing I thought when I saw them was 'Bugaboo Creek'. If you've ever been to Bugaboo Creek and if you've seen the movie, you'll know what I mean.
-The Eye of Sauron. It looked like one of those electric globe things... you know, the ones you put your hands on and the little bolts of electricity are attracted to where your hand is? That's what it looked like to me.
-Small children of Rohan. All of them sucked. There were too many shots of them looking innocently frightened. OK, OK, we already want Rohan to win! We already know they're the good guys! Cut it out!
-The lack of Erkenbrand, lord of Westfold. Where'd he go? He wasn't in the movie! Sniffle.
-Merry and Pippin. They were pretty much useless in this movie.
-How they turned Gimli into one great big joke. They did. Gimli is noble in the book, catdammit! Now it's just degenerated into dwarf-bashing. I guess may-be they felt as though they needed it, seeing how the movie is so long and, for the most part, intense, but still. I don't have to like it.
So, that was the Lord of the Rings. Go see it. It's dern-tootin' good stuff.
Um. One more day before vacation!! Thank cats. I cannot wait.
We had part one of our two part, hideously evil bio test today. I failed. Probably. I think everyone did, excepting of course Richie, who is supernaturally good in that class.
That's about all for now.
TATA. A way to say goodbye. Also a nucleic acid sequence where something or other binds to the DNA... DNA polymerase, maybe? Something.
So TATA for now.