Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Just... read the quote, OK? Just read the quote. I can't prepare you for this. You just have to read it.
"It's really good for us right now to have a chance to get under the spotlight," Lions coach Rod Marinelli said Monday. "I'm really looking forward to that, where everybody is scrutinizing everything about us right now."
Some would argue that if the Lions were trying to win, then all the talk about 0-16 might get in their heads. As I thought about that hypothetical scenario, I asked Marinelli: Couldn't the spotlight be ... you know ... a bad thing?
"I guess if you're from Hostess Twinkies it would be," Marinelli said.
I was poised to ask a follow-up question, but the only one I could think of was "Huh?" Are the Hostess people worried about scrutiny? Do they have nightmares that somebody will figure out how they put the cream inside the cake?
Marinelli later was asked if he was worried some of his players were soft, like Twinkies.
"I'm not saying we're Twinkies," Marinelli said. "I'm saying the question was a Twinkie. It was a Twinkie question for me."
It. Was. A. Twinkie. Question. For. Me. For me, Rod Marinelli, the head coach of an NFL professional football team.
The Detroit Lions are like some sort of horrible practical joke that is being played on all of us.
Labels: Lions, NFL, Rod Marinelli, twinkies, wtf
Monday, November 17, 2008
Oh man you guys things are so bad right now when it comes to Blue Cats. I can't even really call them 'Lions' anymore because that implies a certain amount of majesty and toothy power that would be the most obvious false advertising ever.
I mean you see this blue cat here; he is not swimming, he is slowly sinking beneath the logo'd waves. Straight up watery tragedy.
If you are wondering why there have not been very many posts about this potentially historic season so far, I can only tell you that every week I spend a few moments in quiet contemplation, trying to think of something to say other than 'EVERYONE IS SO BAD AT FOOTBALL'. I have a hard time thinking of anything. EVERYONE IS SO BAD AT FOOTBALL.
Occasionally the Blue Cats will play well for a series, or a quarter, or (more rarely), a half. But the opposing team then always remembers how to play football, and the Blue Cats always revert back to their bumbling ways.
If you have a quarterback with a big arm-- one of the few things Daunte Culpepper inarguably does still have-- why would you not throw down the field? You have not won a game yet. Why stick with runs and short, sometimes backwards passes? THERE IS ALMOST LITERALLY NOTHING TO LOSE. Take some bloody RISKS! This seems obvious, unmistakable, self-evident. Yet somehow, somewhy, the Blue Cats insist upon short runs and tiny passes.
I just... WHY?
And the tackling; holy cats, the tackling is still some of the worst I have seen at any level. You don't just try to BUMP INTO GUYS, you have to WRAP THEM UP and HOLD ONTO THEM and generally NOT TOUCH THEM ONCE, WEAKLY, AND THEN LIE DOWN ON THE TURF TO WATCH THEM CONTINUE ON DOWN THE FIELD.
This is obvious, yes??!? To you, this is obvious? To me, this obvious! To the Blue Cats, this is not at all obvious. It has been going on since Week One. You would think that perhaps they would have begun addressing it by now, but you would be thinking a wrong thing.
HOW IS THIS AT ALL POSSIBLE ON A PROFESSIONAL FOOTBALL TEAM? It boggles the mind so hard that mind-bits will leak out of your ears and nose, it truly does.
What more can I even say? These Cats are bad in a way that defies description. There are no words in the English language sufficient to describe the terriblocity of this 'football team' (and I use that phrase in the loosest possible sense).
0-and-10. Absurd, ghastly, sickening, farcical, lunatic, ridiculous. And, in all likelihood, it will only get more so.
Labels: football, Lions, NFL, terrible